Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
