I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
