I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
