he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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