swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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