who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
false alarm, still single
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
