Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
