There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
