SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
