I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
