Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I fill condoms, not promises.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
