Whod you bang
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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