cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
