i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
