I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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