Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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