Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
