I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
handjob tips. give me some.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize