The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
