There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
