You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
