so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
