ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
