thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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