I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
