my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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