You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
