it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
