after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
