My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Nobody cheats on THIS.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
