I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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