For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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