did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
