mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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