so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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