His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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