my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
