You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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