so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
