1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
