it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
