Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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