i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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