If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
