See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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