Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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