I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
