Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
