You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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