My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
