Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
