I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
