You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
