Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
