So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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