Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
