I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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