Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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