I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
