maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
