u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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