Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I understand Curling. That high.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
