I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
